INTERESTING to learn that the Diary's weakness for trivia is shared by other people.
Labour leadership contender Yvette Cooper did a webchat with the Mumsnet site a few days ago. There were lots of serious questions from Mumsnetters but our favourite was: "Well someone's got to ask and it might as well be me. Can you please tell us what your favourite biscuit is?"
AUTHOR and historian Ian R Mitchell has grown to appreciate what he terms the wit of the Glasgow working-class floorshow, but he has seen signs of it flourishing far downriver.
He was taking photographs in Dumbarton when a punter emerged from a pub, spotted him at work, and said: "Hey, Big Yin, do ye no want a fotie o me? Am I too ugly or somepin?"
Ian, recognising that his new friend bore little resemblance to George Clooney, but understandably reluctant to point this out, responded tactfully: "No, it's just that your copyright charges would be too high."
Quick as a flash the man came back with:"Right 'nuff, ah'm no cheap. But jist come intae the pub and staund me and ma agent a drink and we'll see if we can cut ye a deal."
Luckily at that point, a roar came from inside the pub as Celtic scored and in answer to cries from within, he disappeared into the hostelry's recesses, and Ian made good his escape.
PUT-downs, more of. Dougie McNicol tells us: "It may not be exactly described as a 'workplace insult', but I did once see a workplace assessment which declared that the subject was 'a man seemingly destined to go through life pushing against doors marked 'Pull'.'"
Kevin FitzGerald recalls that when he was a police instructor in the RAF, his sergeant wrote a progress report for a trainee Provost Officer along the following lines - "Men will follow this officer anywhere, mainly out of Idle Curiosity!"
WE ran an item yesterday about film titles being rendered more clever. It caught the imagination of Andy Ewan, who volunteers not one but five examples of his own devising:
* Six Honours Degrees of Separation
* Brain Man
* The Horse Sense Whisperer
* Clever Dick Tracy
* and Ring of Very Bright Water.
SPEAKING of film titles, our attention was caught yesterday by another trending item on Twitter - #RuinAWestern, in which westerns are given new and (theoretically) worse titles. Among the best ones so far: They Died With Their Heels On, A Fist Full of Bitcoins, My Darling Chlamydia, and 3:10 to Yuma Has Been Delayed Due To An Ongoing Signal Failure.
READER Moyna Gardner has twice been taken aback by the subtitling on TV programmes. On a discussion about slavery, someone uttered the words 'wretched trade', which came up as 'Gretchen McQuade' on the TV. More recently, the First Minister was referred to as 'particular surgeon'. As Moyra says: "I could do it better - and I'm deaf."
FURTHER to Susan Calman's complaint yesterday about the continued absence of summer, reader Ella Smith says the current weather does at least add weight to one of her How Scottish Are You? quiz questions - as in "It is daylight, windy and raining. The temperature is 10 degrees C. What's the date?"
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