THE Herald has announced the nominations for the categories in the Scottish Politician of the Year contest. We like the reaction of Tory MSP Murdo Fraser who pointed out: "Nice of The Herald judges to nominate me for two awards. Hope they remember that last year I had three nominations - and won zilch."
WRITER Deedee Cuddihy points out the erudition of west end shop-owners. Says Deedee: "I was in my local hardware store on Great Western Road when a customer asked for something to combat an influx of mice and moths, both of which have been plaguing householders in the area for months now. As the shopkeeper brought out an array of products aimed at dealing with the situation, he commented, 'Of course, this is an age-old problem. In fact, didn't an American author write a famous book about it?' 'What book was that?' asked the innocent customer. 'Of Mice and Moths by John Steinbeck,' he replied.
SUPERMARKET Waitrose is often joked about for being the epitome of middle-class aspirations. A reader visiting Stroud in Gloucestershire realised how true this was when he visited the local branch of Waitrose and noticed a temporary sign in the car-park which read: "Due to falling conkers these two parking spaces are closed until further notice."
"HAVE you ever noticed," a reader phones to ask, "That people who say 'Pardon my French' are usually people who you would never pardon, and who don't know any French?"
SCOTTISH Natural Heritage tells us that while bat populations have declined substantially in Scotland, at least the common pipistrelle bat is staging a come-back with an 80% rise in numbers. It reminds us of the reader who found a bat flying around her front room. Nothing could cajole it out of the window, and eventually she threw a towel over it, and then flung the towel out into the garden where she assumed the bat would then fly off. Hours later she went out into the garden in the dark to retrieve the towel. As she picked it up she felt a creature licking her arm and her screams woke the neighbourhood.
Only then did she see her cat which had decided to have a lie down on the discarded towel.
OUR story about Alex Salmond flying under the name James Kirk - the captain in Star Trek, leads to a reader asking: "Did he go around mumbling, 'Carlisle - the final frontier'." And Bruce Skivington ponders: "If leaders travel incognito under assumed names, I wonder what name the late Labour leader John Smith used?"
WE mentioned the Tooth Fairy, and a reader tells us the lengths she had to go to when her five-year-old daughter lost a tooth at a party. Says Mum: "She was very upset, and concerned that she might not receive the remuneration because of the absence of the tooth as evidence. She wrote a letter explaining the circumstances and apologising for her lost tooth. I had to certify the letter as 'being a true and accurate statement'. The letter under pillow received its due financial reward and a note from the fairy indicating that these things can happen."
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