RESPECTFUL memo to Andrew Marr: when the Diary grumpily woke up yesterday morning to yet another dreich, grim, overcast Scottish Sunday, it didn’t necessarily want to hear you say on your BBC show from an evidently sunny London: “For gentle, fair-skinned Scots like myself, it is just too damned hot. I lie there at night, unable to sleep, dreaming of a cool breeze, a little gentle rainfall.”

READ MORE: Marianne Taylor: Indyref2 campaign will need to be pitch perfect

SANJEEV Kohli says he loves the all-female Ghostbusters film. “I just hope they don’t remake it with an all-male cast and ruin it,” he tweets.

NICE health-conscious anecdote in Deedee Cuddihy’s latest book, The Wee Guide to Scottish Women: the daughter who made her mum a bacon, sausage and tattie-scone sandwich but was urged by her to use the low-fat butter.

MOST out-of-office email auto-replies set up by people preparing to go on holiday say merely that they’re now away. Not so the auto-reply created by one Herald writer. It reads: "I am now out of the office on holiday cultivating my beard for a couple of weeks. I intend to return looking like Elvis Costello circa King of America (unless it gets scratchy)."

THE final shout-outs - many thanks to everyone who contributed. Alex Macintyre remembers attending a talent contest in Douglas, Isle of Man. A budding Elvis Presley was struggling manfully through Wooden Heart, and when he reached the line ‘But I don't have a wooden heart' a Glasgow voice was heard to shout out 'You maybe haven't got a wooden heart but you've got a f------ brass neck!’"

AND Keith Roddie says that towards the end of Don Henley’s recent Hydro gig, the singer introduced his backing singers and band members, and was about to start his next song when a voice boomed out, ‘And who are you?’. A quick smirk, and Don continued.

TELL me lies: The best one, according to Lesley McAra, has to be Maggie Thatcher on entering Downing Street for the first time - “Where there is discord may we bring harmony…."

READ MORE: Marianne Taylor: Indyref2 campaign will need to be pitch perfect

OTHER entries:

* Teenagers who have over-indulged, shifting the blame by saying "The dog was sick on the carpet last night.” (Carole Craig)

* Of course your bum doesn't look big in that.”

* Don't be silly, he looks just like his daddy!"

* No, it's lovely - expensive wines are just a waste of money" (all Anne Keane)

* "Nice to see you again.” (Ian Craig)

"It's mostly tonic, dear." (John Samson)

* “Oh I love your shoes/top/trousers” (when in reality we think they’re ridiculous)

“Mmmm - that cake is delicious” (when in reality it's dry as the Sahara): both Vicky Machiran.

READ MORE: Marianne Taylor: Indyref2 campaign will need to be pitch perfect

BRITISH-born US TV chat-show host James Corden made headlines with his Carpool Karoke segment in which he and First Lady Michelle Obama drove around in a SUV, singing along to hits by Beyonce and Stevie Wonder.

No-one, however, watched it more attentively than America’s Secret Service, which tweeted Corden its thanks for bringing her home safe and sound. “We were watching,” it added, for emphasis.