SUPPORTERS' buses continued. Says Glasgow accountant George Marshall: "Happy days when I had the dubious honour of being a bus steward in Ayrshire. We were running late to get to a cup semi-final at Hampden so Billy the bus driver decided to take a short cut and we came up against a railway bridge with the sign declaring that height of said bridge was 14’ 3’’.
"As we were in an old double decker, I asked Billy what height his bus was - the reply that it was 14 feet 6 inches and would get through was met by disbelieve by all.
"We all had to run about two miles to make the kick-off, leaving Billy to explain to the local Bobbies his mathematical error."
SCOTTISH Labour leader Kezia Dugdale has courted some controversy by coming out against Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, saying he could never rally enough support to beat the Conservatives. Not every Labour supporter in Scotland agrees with her, but as Matt Jones tells us: "To be fair, Kezia does know a thing or two about performing disastrously at an election."
A GREAT offer this Saturday afternoon is that renowned sculptor Alexander Stoddart is leading the afternoon tour of Glasgow Necropolis in return for donations to help restore the Monteath Mausoleum - book online. One of the volunteer guides at the Necropolis tells us that she recently asked a visitor his name and he replied that his surname was Stiff. She couldn't stop herself from replying that it was the first time she had shown a Stiff around the graveyard.
Incidentally, one of our favourite tales from the Necroplis is the memorial to Thomas Atkinson who developed consumption and went to Barbados to improve his health. He sadly died and was buried at sea - in an oak coffin he had taken with him, just in case.
OUR mention of wasps reminds Blair Miller in Clarkston: "Getting a pest control firm to destroy a wasps' nest in our loft recently I asked their guy if he was scared of wasps. He said that he had recently completed a tour in Afghanistan and found that after the Taliban the answer was, 'not really'."
IT'S the final week of the Edinburgh Fringe, and you can imagine how stand-up comedians are always looking for new material. As Darren Connell, who plays Bobby in TV series Scot Squad told his fans on social media: "Nearly got hit with a bus in Edinburgh and genuinely a bit gutted that it didn't happen. Come and see me talk about it at my show."
AND one half of the double act Ellis & Rose, Richard Rose, had to sit out the show the other night due to an ear infection, and instead watched his partner Gareth Ellis do the two-man show by himself. We liked the way Richard said afterward: "Some of it was like watching a car crash in slow-motion, and some of it was genuinely really funny. An audience member said that watching him roll a mini eclair down several feet of tinfoil, while simultaneously apologising that there was no show, may have been the best thing I've seen all Fringe."
DAFT gag from a chap in a Glasgow pub at the weekend who told his pals: "Went back to my new girlfriend's flat and asked her what the scary photo on her hall table was. 'That's my X-Ray,' she said. So I told her, 'I don't know what's worse - the fact you dated a skeleton or that its name was Ray."
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