OKAY, okay, I admit it was a cheap shot but I can explain. On a rare visit to town I discovered that good manners have become passe. On leaving a department store I held the door for a flow of office types. All passed by without a second glance. It was a useful insight into the life of the punkah wallah under the Raj.
Enough was enough and, Ancient Mariner-like, I stoppeth one of three. “Pardon?” I enquired of a haughty looking matron as she breezed past me in full sail. “I didn’t say anything,” she replied, rather dismissively I thought.
It was, of course, an open goal. “Oh, I thought you said thank you.” A slight reddening of the cheeks, anger, embarrassment or both and the ball was in the net.
That experience confirmed my growing suspicion that courtesy is now taken as a sign of weakness. Bad manners have become another dimension of the modern obsession with self that renders unimportant the sensibilities of others.
The conviction that things are going to the dogs is a sign of advancing years. I agree with American writer Robert Heinlein’s belief that “a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness”. During China’s Cultural Revolution saying “thank you” was deemed “bourgeois hypocrisy”.
Heinlein and Chairman Mao predate the proliferation of technology that has provided many new opportunities for rudeness. The mobile phone has a quasi -hypnotic effect. The high street has become a slalom course as one veers right and left to avoid mid-pavement collisions with those fixated with their mobile devices.
The mobile has pulled rank on face-to-face communication. It demands immediate attention. When asked, “Do you mind if I take this?” it’s only my old-fashioned manners that preclude the response, “Well yes, as you ask, I do bloody mind”.
As in other fields of human conflict, many parents have given up the struggle to develop good manners in their offspring. Nowhere is this more obvious than in eating habits. On my first day as a headteacher in a leafy suburb, I was astonished to see that fingers were the utensils of choice to move food from plate to mouth.
I know, I know, I was experienced enough not to enquire of one youngster whether he “ate like that at home”. The parental response was swift and inevitable. “How dare I humiliate their son and breach the privacy of our home.” A headteacher’s lot is not a happy one.
In contrast, like many others of my vintage, my parents instilled good manners. On buses a maternal nudge indicated an older person in need of a seat.
Of course, vacating one’s seat to a female these days creates a number of dilemmas. Am I being sexist? Is that young woman pregnant, obese or possibly both?
Transport for London is currently testing a blue badge scheme for the disabled and those with hidden conditions. The wording “Please offer me a seat” is on the same lines as the “Baby on Board” badge available to pregnant women.
The recent experience, however, of one badge wearer challenged by a fellow commuter to prove she was pregnant is not promising. As most underground travellers are unaccountably fascinated by their shoes, it’s unlikely they would clock the badge in the first place.
Bad manners of course, are not the preserve of the young. Many of we oldies behave abominably and consider our bus passes confer the status of national treasure.
My wife’s frustrated cry of, “Will you ever learn to put down the toilet seat?” confirms even Homer nods. My defence that the alternative is probably worse is not deemed helpful.
There is a serious point here. Bad manners impact on the quality of life of a great many others. At best they constitute anti-social behaviour and at worst an assault on our sensibilities and, on occasion, our person.
Do we have to tolerate loudmouths, of all ages and genders, polluting public areas with their repeated swearing?
Pointing out their intellect is as limited as their vocabulary is probably not an advisable strategy.
Similarly, what can be done about those who blight train journeys with loud and usually inane conversations?
It’s tempting to fight fire with fire but, as Teddy Roosevelt pointed out: “Politeness is a sign of dignity, not subservience”.
That is particularly true in the workplace where some confuse rudeness with strength. Unfailing courtesy is the best antidote to bad manners in and out of the workplace. So go on, make a door opener’s day: smile and say thank you.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel