Blur = bleh

HOW the mighty have fallen.

In the 1990s Blur were one of the hippest music acts around.

They were played on radio, in clubs and on Walkmans. (If you’re too young to remember the Walkman, it was an early version of portable music. Before this handy gadget was invented, if you wanted to go for a stroll and listen to music at the same time, you had to balance your gramophone on a skateboard, then drag it along on a leash.)

Now back to Blur. The band are still around, though not quite so awe-inspiring.

At the recent Coachella music shindig in America they performed to an unimpressed crowd of youngsters who probably assume "Blur" is what happens when you forget to wear your contact lenses.

Perhaps the band’s time in the spotlight is over.

Meanwhile, the Diary remains fresh, frisky and ferociously relevant.

For we always provide our readers with thoroughly modern wit, which is also in abundance in the following classics yarns from our archives…

 

Mind your language

A BEARSDEN reader recalled two educated chaps visiting China who came across a bus stop which had written below the Chinese destination signs, the phrase "Sub Lapicinum’"

Both thought their Latin was quite good, but they were unable to work out what the sign meant.

They later discovered that a worker had been sent out to help visitors by painting "Municipal Bus" at the stop, but had written it from right to left.

 

Gurn-ica

THE majestic Kelpies public art work near Falkirk were once shockingly dismissed by a snooty London art critic as a "pile of horse poo".

Which reminded a Diary reader of the Glesga fella who entered a bar in Spain where Picasso acolytes were praising his latest work.

“That’s pure rubbish,” opined the Glesga fella.

“Senor,” replied an argy-bargy acolyte, “if you don’t apologise, the master will put that smile on the other side of your face.”

 

Stretching… the truth

A GLASGOW shipyard tale.

A reader recalled a yard manager doing his daily round of the yard when he spotted a man being carried down the gangway of a ship on a stretcher.

He asked a passing workman if there had been an accident.

“Naw,” came the reply. “They’re jist moving a welder to a joab on another boat.”

 

Tip on tips

FINE dining at Glasgow’s Grand Central Hotel was always an educational experience.

A guest having dinner asked a waiter how to eat the asparagus tips with butter he had just been served.

“Just hang back and watch another table,” advised the waiter.

 

Tyrannosaurus ex

A HISTORICALLY-MINDED reader once asked: “Why don’t dinosaurs make good pets?”

The inevitable answer was: “Because they’re dead.”